Reorganizing

I was talking to my friend Ben the other day and he was saying that God is showing him that he is not what he does, but who he is. It is not about doing, but about being. I totally agree and have been thinking about this for the last few day's steadily, but probably for the last bunch of years off and on.

I know that Ben is right, that we are not what we do, but who we are, but it is very hard for me to live that. I feel that I need to be doing stuff to show who I am. I know that we have do be doing stuff, but I also think that I can get into this thing that if I am not doing anything that I am not being anything. This is where I get wacked.

I have been running and running for years just getting things done, and when I am not getting things done I am feeling stressed that I am not getting things done. This has worn on me and also my family. I remember talking to a pastor and he told me that we need to produce for people. He is a pastor and he needs to produce for his congregation. I am a missionary on support and I need to produce for my supporters to see what they are supporting. This affirmed the lie that I was already believing.

Well last week I had a baby, as I have shown off a couple of times in this blog. It has been a season (2 weeks) of just hanging out with my family and doing dishes, playing with Emma, changing diapers, cuddling, and puttering around the house. It has been killing me and making me feel that I am getting nothing done. Today I am reorganizing my storage and getting things in order. My wife loves it, but I feel that I am not getting kingdom stuff done. Well, I am wrong. I know that I am wrong.

My security is obviously in what I do and not in who I am. I can't even have a vacation and not feel guilty about sitting around not doing any "ministry", whatever that means. I am learning. Ministry is all of life, but right now it is my family. Pray for me that I can get it right and slow down and be and not just do.

Thanks.