Phllipians 3:12-14Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already been made perfect, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one think I do: forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on towards the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Jesus. Yesterday I was sitting in church and out of no where this verse came into my head. Mark, the pastor was not even talking about it, but there it was. For the last 10+ day's I have been doing somewhat of a Ramadan fast, praying for specific things in my life as well as some friends who are working with Muslims in India and Canada. Since doing it I feel that my mind has gotten clearer and things in my life that I have been desiring for a while now are happening.
I have realized that there are some things and circumstances in my life that are broken and beyond repair. For the last while I have spent my energy trying to repair these things, but I cannot. A few of these things are my dad and the situation of my mom and his divorce, some friendships that have been broken and even things with YWAM. The realization that I had on Sunday was that instead of trying to fix unfixable things I need to let them die and in doing see new life come. The paradox of death as taught by Christ is that when things die, a grain of wheat, there comes life.
I cannot fix the brokenness of my parents divorce, but I can hope for a future and live for that. I can't fix the broken relationship's that I have with my friends, but I can forget about the past and look to them in hope for the future. I can't fix the brokenness that has taken place in YWAM Seattle, but I can let the old YWAM, which has been waiting to die for some time now die and look to the new life that God has.
This has been a heavy, but good week for me. I thank God for revealing this to me, not out of anything in me, but out of His infinite mercy and understanding.
Amen.
2 comments:
it was great seeing you the other day, even if it was only for a few minutes.
Hey man!I love that you are fasting during Ramadan...I get what you are saying about letting go of things. It is not easy though, to admit that YOU can't do anything about that stuff. It is obviously not easy to fully trust God, it actually messes with you. Keep going man!
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