XXX

So I am at home for a week in Seattle without my family. It is good in the fact that I can make my own hours, be selfish with my time, eat whenever and whatever I want (I am eating good, no McDonald's) and go to bed totally late. That is as far as it goes with the good side of being home alone. I am finding out quickly that the bad definitely outweighs the good.

The bad is that I am lonely. I miss having fun with my girls. I miss tucking Emma in at night. I miss holding Amy's hand. I miss a kiss goodnight. I miss carrying Emma around on my shoulders. I miss a crying, smiling baby. I miss dinner for 3. I miss taking care of someone other than myself. I miss accountability. I miss a full house, not the show, but an actual full house.

Anyway, another thing that is hard is where my mind goes when I am alone. It is like I resort back to a teenager who is alone and in a place where he can get away with anything. I have some bro's praying for me that I would be a man of integrity in my thoughts and actions, but it is a struggle. I want to be a man of God when no one is watching me and not just when I am surrounded by people. I mean seriously the only one who matters is the Lord, and He sees all.

I am encouraged by the fact that I don't need to satisfy my mind with anything but Jesus, but it is not always that easy to execute. I don't want to buy into the lie that the media poses that you can fill your mind and find satisfaction through lust and porn. This conversation has been going on in the lives of men for years and years. It is the topic of many a guy's small group and is a struggle for all. It has to stop. We, (I) must have integrity and live a life of denial and discipline. I think Jesus talked about denying ourselves and taking up His cross. Once again easier said than done, but He wouldn't have said it if it weren't possible.

Anyway, if you think of me pray with me. Thanks.

Combining and injustice

So I am in Saskatchewan right now visiting Amy's family and doing some support raising. Today was a weird day filled with strange and bizzar emotions. I just wanted to take a minute and talk about it with you.

Amy's family are farmers. Her dad and two brothers farm together in N. Saskatchewan. This year for them has been shit, to say the least and to say it bluntly. Please don't be offended by my use of words as I am not swearing, but trying to put things into perspective. There has been a lot of rain, which has stopped them from getting into the fields to harvest the crop. Their machinery has also been breaking down, which not only stops them from getting in the field, but costs them money in time and parts.

So, I was driving to Humbolt today to pick up a part and kept thinking of what I was about to do tonight at the church. I was talking about our ministry in Seattle and also about the The Invisible Children injustice issues. I couldn't get my head around the fact that it just seemed irrelevant and pointless to talk about stuff that we are doing and injustice issues when things were so hard here for the farmers. I almost bailed out as I just felt ridiculous.

Well I am now back at Amy's house and I made my presentation in spite of how I felt. I have a different perspective now than I did before I shared. My perspective now is that I needed to share with the church about injustice and the ministry that we are involved in. I told them that a part of our job is to help young people see that the world does not revolve around them, but there are other issues that are going on in the world that are different and at times, many times worse than the stuff they are going through.

This is how I felt tonight. I felt that even though things are tough for the farmers in this community, and I don't want to down play that especially since it just started raining again, that they needed to look outside of themselves and their own situations to see what else is important in the world. I hope that this is making sense. Anyway, all that to say that I feel tonight went well. I hope people heard from Jesus and not just little old me.

If I could as you one thing though it would be to please pray for the farmers in this area, specifically Amy's family. That would be greatly appreciated.

Thanks

Waffle House

I am in Nashville with my bud's from the Mission Adventures N. America Leadership Team, (don't worry, i'm not that important) and we went to the Waffle House for my first time. It was at 12:30am so it was a little more funny than usual i am sure. Anyway, things were great at home, now I am here for 3 day's. After that it is off to Saskatchewan for a few day's then home sweet home.

I miss my wife, can I just say that. She is a great person who I need in my life.

Also, I have wanted to get bumped for a while now on a flight and yesterday was my day. Unfortunately I couldn't take it as I needed to be where I am. It was free hotel and travel voucher. Oh well, I will pray that I get it again on the way home.

Later.

Pizza Pops

It is good to be in Canada, they are a bit odd here though. No offence to the country I grew up in, but they are still stuck in the 80's in a lot of way's. It is kinda funny and weird in a way.

One of the best things about coming here is raiding mom's fridge. Mom alway's takes care of me food wise. This time though, my nephew Stephen has been living with my mom and we like the same bad for you food, specifically Pizza Pops. To my dismay, yesterday I went into the freezer for a 3pm afternoon Pizza Pop snack and Stephen had gotten to them 1st. So sad.

Today I got to give a presentation to my home church about Cambodia as they are coming there with me in May. It was great to be able to do it. It also reminded me of how much I love that country and the people there, I can't wait to return.

Tomorrow night I give a 35 min. presentation to my home church at the evening service. I am very excited about that as I am talking about purpose and how we need to find our purpose and start to live it out. I am also talking about Invisible Children and how we can make a difference in the injustice that goes on in the world. Please keep that in your prayers if you read this.

Finally, there are no Mac's here. Another sad thing in a beautiful country.

Later eh!

So far so good.

Well I am here, sitting outside Best Buy so that I can send and receive. That sucks, but at least it is close to my house and it has wireless. Anyway, things are good. I like being here, but it is always a little wierd coming. I feel that there is an expectation, either put on me by me or by others. I want to rest, but I know I need to connect with people, which I love doing. I also just miss home and my friends and community back in Seattle.

Anyway, if you think of me just pray that I can enjoy, rest and connect.

Later

Gone to Winnipeg

Well, in 7 hours, at 6:30AM the family and I are off to Winnipeg. We will be there for 2 weeks. I am very excited to go and see family, supporters, old friends and new friends. It should be a great visit. It will be great to go to my home church and have an opportunity to speak to them about what we are doing out here and what there prayers and support is going to. I hope to raise our support a little bit while home as well.

It will, as always, be good to see family. I look forward to spending time just hanging out and being with them. I also hope that my mom stocked the fridge.

Finally, I am excited to hook up with my friend Jamie Arpin -Ricci who along with his wife Kim head up YWAM Winnipeg.

There is also a chance to see the Red Hot Chilli Peppers with my friend Matt. I don't like them, but it is a free show. I will try and keep in touch, but there in no internet in my mom's house.

Later

Heathen

So here is a funny/wired story that one my good friends Lars encouraged me to post. The other day I was at Mars Hill Church in Seattle. I was talking to a pastor there about church stuff and just getting to know them a bit better when who walks in the room wearing a t-shirt that says HEATHEN across it, Mark Driscoll. This was my 1st up close and personal encounter with Driscoll and all I could do was laugh and say "nice shirt." I don't know if I got a response, but I am pretty sure that he just wanted to punch me in the face.

Anyway, Mark is a great teacher, but pushes the bounds a bit, oh, did I say a bit? I meant a ton. Anyway, that is my funny quirky story for the week.

Later

Thought for the Week: Piece Of Mind

Wow, I managed to squeeze an Iron Maiden picture into my blog that went with the theme of this weeks post. Well, that is stretching it a bit, I feel like I am back in High School trying to think of any excuse to justify Maiden as I go about in my tight 501's and black Harley T-Shirt as my mom wouldn't let me wear rock shirts. No visual of that age required.

Anyway, I was talking to a friend yesterday about my life and what he thinks of what I am doing. He thought it sounded good, but thought that I was called or gifted to do something else. Not something totally different than the direction that I am headed, but a little different. Anyway, I spent a long time thinking about the advice, good advice at that, my friend gave me as I respect him and his opinion and wisdom. I came to the conclusion today thought that I am fully convinced in my own mind (Iron Maiden Piece of Mind album tie in) that I am following what God has placed on my heart.

The thing about me is that I am easily swayed like waves, James 1 speaks about this in the bible. I have been praying that God will give me vision, passion and goals and not be swayed from what God wants for me by others. I want to have others speak into my life, but I want to know that I am confident that I am doing what God wants so that even if people say I am wrong, or crazy I can still be strong in my call.

I guess that is my thought for the week. It is that we be fully convinced in our minds of what God has called us to regardless of what others say. This doesn't mean that we don't have to listen to others, the are in our lives to help us, but we need to listen to God first. I have been doing better in this and feeling less guilty and selfish for it. I encourage you to follow God's call on your life, which you will know by what you are passionate about and what you think about most. Do this regardless and I will do the same.

-amen-

Teaching

Tonight I get the opportunity to speak at a Youth Group in Puyallup. I am totally excited as I was asked to speak on Church. Specifically the early Church in Acts. I love what I read about the Church. I get excited when I think of what Church was intended to be. What exactly do I think it was intended to be?

Well, I see the Church as a group of people who love Jesus. People who gather together in large or small groups to worship Him with their time, money, relationships, etc. I see the church as believers helping those in need and bringing the truth of Jesus Christ. I see the Church as a people who devote themselves to Jesus teachings. I see the Church as something so real and exciting that people are daily being added to the Church as they fall in love with this Jesus by seeing His followers and being lead by the Holy Spirit. That is in a nutshell of course.

Tonight I am excited to bring this simple, yet lifechanging message to high schoolers. I am also excited because I am going to be doing the powerpoint from my i-pod video. Talk about redeeming things for Jesus.

Later

Mockingbird

Yesterday, Sept. 1, Derek Webb released his Album Mockingbird for free on line. You can find it here and download it. It is an interesting reason that he is releasing it for free, one that I think is worth the read. Here is a brief reason for the free download.

"one of the things that excites me most about the future of our business is how easy it is becoming to deliver music to people who want to hear it. I heard a story once about Keith green caring so much that people were able to hear and engage with his music that he gave it away for free, which was a very difficult and expensive thing to do at that time. It's actually never been as simple as it is today to connect music with music fans. And I want people to have a chance to listen to mockingbird and engage in the conversation.

I have never listened to Derek Webb before, but today I have been listening and enjoying it a lot. One of the lines that struck me is the 1st few lines of the album that say "there are days I don'’t believe the words I say. I am not sure why this strikes me, but I feel like this some times. I feel like I chang my mind on things alot. Not closed handed issues like salvation, Jesus, the inerrancy of the Bible, etc. But on everyday issues. I feel like some day's I am just speaking out of my ass (see the story of Balaam, if you are offended by the word ass, but make sure it is King James Version, haha). I just don't trust myself sometimes. I want to be more secure in who I am, but also not afraid to make mistakes in what I say. Anyway, that line rang strong in my ear and I will be thinking about it for a while.

Thanks for reading.

Thought for the week. Spiritual Gifts

I know, the picture is horrible, but I Googled Spiritual Gifts on Google Image and it came up. WOW! Anyway, I am not writing to make fun of pictures, although this one is worthy of it, I want to talk briefly on gifts. We were driving home from California The other day and as leaders we were praying about what direction we need to go as a base. The thing that I felt the Lord speaking to me about was that we need to figure out what giftings our staff and us have so that we can work together as a team more effectively.

I think that most of us don't really know what our gifts are, or we just don't recognize the things in our lives we are good at or passionate about as practical or spiritual gifts. I believe if we knew and walked in our giftings that we would get more done in our lives and make more of an impact in our job's and in the lives of those around us. I would encourage you to pray and seek God about what gifts he has given you and to learn to walk in them. There are also a lot of gift testings out there that can help you find out what your spiritual/practical giftings are.

Later

Books I am Reading

I have been reading a couple of books currently. I am excited about what they have to say and what I am learning. You can check them our here.






Ancient Future Faith

An Emerging Theology For Emerging Churches

Back in Seattle

Well it is good to be home. We left Chico, CA yesterday at 4:30pm and after one final stop at In N Out we arrived home at 5:00am. It was a great time to spend with our staff in Chico. The conference was not the greatest, but it had it's moments. The best thing for me was just seeing again the big picture of YWAM and connecting with new and old friends like Will Barrow from Pismo Beach, Richard Thomson from Las Vegas and Marty Meyer from Idaho.

I love our organization and the diversity or it and also the unity in it. There is much unity in diversity, but I suppose most people don't see it like that, but assume if you are different then there is nothing to connect on. It was also just great to connect with my friends here from YWAM Seattle. We don't get together as a staff too often, so this was a terrific time to connect with them.

On the other side, the coffee sucked. Oh my gosh, does anyone appreciate a good cup of coffee anymore? For sheesh sake, it was just Awful. So, it is good to be home, it is good to blog again and it is good to have a decent cup of Joe.

Later

Out of town

So tomorrow my family along with the YWAM Seattle staff are travelling to Chico, CA for the YWAM West Coast Conference. I am excited to see some old friends, see what direction YWAM is headed and eat some great food at In N Out Burger. Specifically a No. 1- Double Double, Fries, Dr. Pepper.

I will not be able to post until next Tuesday. I hope you have a great weekend.

Thank you Jesus.

Thought for the week. Prayer

Lately I have found myself forgetting to pray for the things that matter to me. It has been a humbling thing realizing that my prayer life is not very disciplined and I get caught up in so many other things during the day that at night I realize what I should have been praying for, but by then I am so tired that I just fall asleep trying to pray. I decided that this needed to change. If I really believe in prayer, that it is the most important thing, then I need to be doing it more as a part of my daily life.

A couple of weeks ago I just entered some things into the calendar of my phone that I want to pray for. I wanted to pray regularly for the leadership and staff of our base, my family and our support, injustice issues, The Gathering, etc. So, each day starting at 8:30am a different prayer item pops up on my phone every hour and I stop what I am doing and pray for that issue or thing (unless I am driving of course). It is interesting when I am in a meeting and a reminder pops up I just take a few seconds and commit the prayer to the Lord.

I love that I am consciously remembering to pray daily for things that matter. I wonder what would happen if we all did something that helped us stop each day and pray for people or things. How is your prayer life? Is it important to you? Do you really believe that prayer can make a difference? I can't wait to see what a difference it makes in my life.

Thanks.

How Sad

I read an article tonight from the LA Times on the Episcopal church. It was very sad to read. It talkes about how as a denomination they have fallen away from basic, closed hand Biblical truths such as the ordination of practicing homosexuals and the following:

Episcopalian at Columbus overwhelmingly refused even to consider a resolution affirming that Jesus Christ is Lord. When a Christian church cannot bring itself to endorse a bedrock Christian theological statement repeatedly found in the New Testament, it is not a serious Christian church. It's a Church of What's Happening Now, conferring a feel-good imprimatur on whatever the liberal elements of secular society deem permissible or politically correct.

It makes me so sad and angry and confused at how people can fall so far away from the truth. I hope that someone rises up in the Episcopal church to bring it back to Jesus.

Read More

We are done.

11 day's, 6 DVD's, long, late nights and 24 hours later we are done with season 4. It has been great. I am not quite ready to start season 5, although if it were out right now I would probably go and rent it as I write. Anyway, it has been an experience and now is done.

Thanks Jack Bower, your my hero.

Embrace The Pain

Yesterday Amy, Emma and I were picking blackberries for a cake that we are making for Ben's birthday, which is today. I am not sure if you have ever picked blackberries, but the bushes have thorns all over them that make rose bush thorns look like soft little cotton balls. I was thinking as I was picking berries and getting the skin skratched off of me about pain. The thing that I was thinking was that sometimes the pain is a part beauty. There was pain in me picking blackberries, but in the end it was worth it as later on I will be eating an amaizing, fresh blackberry cake with my friends on Ben's birthday.

When Amy and I were in the hospital 2 weeks ago there was much pain. God say's to Eve in Genesis that there will be an increased pain in childbirth. I will be sensitive how I put this, but I am pretty sure that Amy sees that the pain of childbirth brought about the beautiful baby girl that we love so much now. Through the pain came something beautiful.

I feel that this is the same in our walk with Christ. It is painfull sometimes. Life is painfull sometimes. I used to want to walk away from the pain and move on to something else, but I have leared that if I embrace the pain that the result will be something beautiful. Out of my pain has come freedom, healing, joy, understanding, and much fruit.

Jesus embraced the pain of the cross so that he could bring us eternal life with Him. He saw what the cross would bring and went through the pain out of His love for us. I encourage you to ask God if the pain you are in is from Him and ask Him for the courage to embrace the pain. Embrace it so that when you come out of it you are a changed, renewed, wiser person who can sit down with friends and enjoy blackberry cake.

6 hours left to save the world

So nine day's ago Amy and I embarked on season 4 of 24. We only have 6 hours left to see how Jack Bower saves the world and gets us to season 5. It has been 8 day's of going to sleep at approx. Midnight and struggling to wake up only to do it all over again.
It is great what Jack has done for Amy and I. The show (as cheesy as this may sound, and don't take me to seriously) has helped us just wind down and rest together at the end of the day while the kid's are sleeping. It has been fun for us to pound through season 4. We don't usually sit down together at the end of the day. Usually I am reading a book and she is sewing or watching something else. I love spending time with Amy at nights.

It is not that we are engaged in deep conversation, it is just fun and relaxing. So here's to you Jack Bower.

Thought for the week. Goals and Desires

I really want to start posting thoughts for the week on my blog. I kind of got the idea from my friend Rhett where he sometimes puts up weekend musings. I want to be more regular in my blogging and also post with some consistency. I feel that this will cause me to think more about life, become more disciplined and also give regular visitors something to think about during the week. Here's hopin it goes well.

This week we had a guy come in to talk to our staff named Mike. He was talking about counciling people, specifically the students that come to our schools, our staff and each other. One of the things that he talked about which I want to write about here is the fine line and difference between a goal and a desire.

We talked about how people get mad at God, themselves and others because they set goals for themselves that they have no control over. Here is an example. Is it a good goal to want your children to grow up following Christ? NO. The reason that it is not a good goal is that we have no control over weather or not our children grow up following Christ. Now it is a good desire to have that our children grow up to follow Christ, but it can't be a goal. The thing about goals and desires is that they are so close together.

Let me explain. We can only have goals for ourselves. We can have a goal to be a good husband, or a good father, or a good friend, but we can't have a goal that someone be a good friend to us, or a good spouse to us, or a good child. These are desires. We can only do what we can do and the response of those people around us is up to them, not us. If we have a goal for our kids to be followers of Christ we may manipulate or twist things so that this happens, instead of just loveing our kids, raising them in the way's of Christ and letting the Holy Spirit do the work in their lives to draw them to walk in the way's of Jesus. I hope that this in making sense, and if not then take some time to think about it. I still am.

I have set goals in my life to be a good friend, love my wife and raise my children to be followers of Christ. Now it is my desire that I have good friends, that my wife is loving and faithfull to me and that my children walk with Jesus. What are your goals and desires?